If You Just Believe: Why

Every Christmas season it always seams like a new sense of calm or urgency sets in. I see it in those around me and even in myself. The gift exchanges coming sooner than we expected or as Dave Ramsey likes to say,"Christmas Sneaking up on us". Yes we all know that Christmas is the 25th day of December and most of us know the truthful meaning of why we have Christmas but as I replayed a song that was placed in my head this morning I ask the questions: Do we truely know the meaning of Christmas, why is it only for a short part of the year and do you think things need to change? These go with a couple of other questions in that do you think your life is good now, do you think it can get better, do you Have Christ in your life, Why or Why Not?

Being done with thanksgiving I have to take time and truely be thankful for everything God has given me. I know it is probably 1 million times better than what some people have in their lives and that taking this gift and sharing it is probably the most imporant job I have in life. Sharing what little insights you receive from a song, movie or event in your life is a great way to start conversation and getting to know a little more.

In the next couple of days/weeks I'll be dwelling on each verse of the song "Believe" by Josh Groban. If you listen with the intent to learn and to teach you get a lot out of things that you normally do not. First learning how each portion of an item, in this case a song, reacts when it is subjected to your past and then taking it and realizing that I was or am now flawed in some or most of my actions. After I've delt with some of these thoughts I then try to take what I have learned I reteach myself and then teach my children not in my ways but the ways that I've been shown through God's mercy. Am I the only one that does this? I hope not but I do think reflection, meditiation and adaptation in one's life is vital to living and having a sustainable relationship with Him or anyone. And I do think that a lot of people don't take enough time to do these actions. What I do think, is that He put that one star, His Son, in the sky to reset our compasses to every year. But how many of us do that.

Reflect, Meditate and Adapt...

For today I leave you with the entire list of lyrics of the song and when I return I'll start with my line by line reflections.

Believe by Josh Groban:

Children sleeping, snow is softly falling
Dreams are calling like bells in the distance
We were dreamers not so long ago
But one by one we all had to grow up
When it seems the magic's slipped away
We find it all again on Christmas day

Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that's playing
There's no time to waste
There's so much to celebrate
Believe in what you feel inside
And give your dreams the wings to fly
You have everything you need
If you just believe

Trains move quickly to their journey's end
Destinations are where we begin again
Ships go sailing far across the sea
Trusting starlight to get where they need to be
When it seems that we have lost our way
We find ourselves again on Christmas day

Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that's playing
There's no time to waste
There's so much to celebrate
Believe in what you feel inside
And give your dreams the wings to fly
You have everything you need
If you just believe [x4]

Just believe

Eight Years Ago

I usually cannot remember yesterday or the day before that and sometimes I pull a Dory (Finding Nemo) and can't remember a couple of minutes ago. But I do remember what I was doing Eight years ago on this date. It was a Beautiful Saturday in Chandler AZ where we were living at the time an were about to get married. Our KSU wildcats had lost to the Huskers but that didn't matter as much that day as it might have any other time they were to play. You see a year and a half of planning our wedding was down to a matter of hours and minutes and I could not wait.

We had arrived at Ashley Mannor with our families and had started doing the regular preshow warm up with photo's, sound checks and other last minute details. I remember one photo of my guys holding me back from jumping over the wall surrounding the place as if I was wanting to escape. Truth be told that was far from reallity as I was ready for this step. So ready that when she walked down the aisle and arrived just short of our Pastor and myself I lept for her hand just a little prematurely. I wanted her and what guy wouldn't. She was a beauty then, always has and always will be. But this outside beauty was just the surface of what I've found since then.

Through these 8 years my wife and I have been through a lot. And that may be under or overstated as I know we still have so much left in our lives. But when you think about a lost job for each of us, two moves half way across the country, purchase of three homes (one we built) and the loss of a good friend all prior to even our fifth anniversary then some might ask how are they still together. To answer I'll give you a portion of our discussions when I lost my job in Phoenix. "How do others make it through life changing events like this without God in their lives"

It was and has been our relationship with God that has pulled us close in all times of our individual and couple needs. Heather got me out of the comfort area of a catholic pew and choir that I enjoyed and showed me what I had been searching for. She reached out and grabbed me and then we reached up for Him as one couple. Little did she know I would take the ball she gave me and make it into a snowball that keeps gaining size and force. That ball is still roling and I hope it never stops as we have a lot left to share. It was her challenge that made me a better person and that better person bacame her Husband eight years ago today and I could never thank her or God enough for that gift I was given.

I don't like to many things enough to love them but my wife will never be overcome by another person or thing (other than God). She is a firm foundation which I have continued my life on. A beacon of light and hope that seas me through the fog of some of my days. The strenghts that lifts me up to be the person my family needs me to be. She is my Angel and Angle, my view to another way, another world.

I love you Heather and always will.

Just a Dream or Just Rambling?

Have you ever had one of those dreams that you just had to wake up and write part of it down. I had this dream on Saturday at 3:30 in the morning and it was that time for me. I had woke up from a vary vivid dream and felt led to write about it. Now usually when I have dreams I try to interpret where it may have come from and what it all means, so...

Where did it come from
Maybe it was from conversations with my daughter Friday night before bed about Joseph interpreting the dreams of Pharaoh or maybe it was a minor tiff I may have had with my wife. I say may have because I’m pretty sure last night was not that bad. I staid home with the sleeping kids, ok bailey was awake and I feel asleep watching a movie with her, and Heather went out looking for clothes. I cannot call it shopping because I don’t think she bought anything. Either way we have had arguments before but things have been smooth running for a while now that our financial picture has cleared up a little. More on that at a later time.

The dream (set up)
The dream was set in the future so I’m not sure what that part is about and it was back in Nebraska I think but there were floating rock formations with part of the cities on them. I can only think this is from watching Avatar but I haven’t seen that since it first came out a couple of months ago. No kids were around just parents and we were going to see a movie up on one of these rocks. That’s right the mall was placed on a floating rock. It seamed like nothing was going right for me. At least we had picked up my parents from a job they were on that was years ago before they went out on there own. Oh, I just remembered we had a kid with us at this point because he was getting into everything on this job site. Anyway, that must have been the start of nothing going right, the kid was there on parents night out.

To continue going thru this mall area no one was talking to me and leaving me out of the picture which seams odd because usually in life I’m right in the middle of things when it comes to family, or at least I would like to think I am. This being left out continued all the way. We had to wait in a long ling and then got in and I was left behind while the rest went in to the theater area. And not to brag but man my dreams have some good design skills because that theater was decked out. Arcade, full concessions (these items were free) and it was like a 30 theater multiplex obviously for $4 each. I mean the place was like it was meant for Vegas but it was in central Nebraska.

I digress, my wife wasn’t helping matters either, trying to drag me around getting me to go when she didn’t recognize that I was having problems with one thing or another. Well her attitude made mine turn south and made the situation even worse. I was doing something with my shoes and ended up chasing everyone thru this arcade area to where our theater was. My wife had my ticket and had already gone and left me in the cold. To make this situation worse, this theater was set to have a special exhibit for the movie we were seeing and the lead actor was there. Don’t ask me why because I don’t know but Kevin Bacon was the actor. I don’t know why I threw a big fit on not getting into see him as he’s not that great but I did. Maybe it’s because it was for the experience of doing something new and I was inadvertently dismissed from that possibility or maybe I just wanted to see what the sixth degree of separation was from me to K.Bacon.

Well that was the lighting of the fuse and the bomb was set to go off. While I waited and stewed I could see through the glass that all my friends and family were having a good time with Mr. Bacon, I do like bacon the food, and didn’t even look like they noticed I was gone or was not part of the action. I knew that they new they had my ticket and that I had been yelling for them to wait and I know they heard me so this made me boil even more. When they came out from seeing Bacon is when the Sh$@#ith hittith the fanith in my dream, so to speak. Prior to going into the actual movie the fight breaks out but my dream only sees the first shot of words, which I don’t remember, and that is where I woke up. I’m sure others could imagine a scene where people walk up to someone else in a movie and you know something is about to happen but you’re not sure quiet what it is yet. We'll see if I ever get more of this story but for now.

What does this all mean to me
I mean there is so much In this dream to chew on. So many possible issues that I must need to deal with in my life to have this be so vivid. I’ll write what I think the issues are and their life relevance, why I may need to take care of them, why I may not have taken care of them already and what I need to do to move forward.

• Obviously my wife and I must need a date night. We try to go on these to discuss life issues but maybe we need to go to just enjoy some time together. I mean that is how we got started. Our first official date was to dinner and then the movies in Topeka KS. We had a long drive from Manhattan and we talked and talked which no girl had been able to get me to do up to this point. I remember telling a close friend that after this date that I thought Heather was the one because of this “keeping me talking” fact.
o We use these date nights to look at where we have been recently with issues, we hash out our thoughts and then try to come up with directions or plans for where we want our family to go. We haven’t been on one of these dates without the kids for a while because of financial issues. I take that back two Fridays ago we went out while someone watched the kids but it’s kind of a blur for me as I have had a lot going on in my life with these financial issues.
o Moving forward I know this needs to be a set monthly dates to keep our discussions open and free from kids and open so that all sides can be heard. We tend to go to restaurants and movies but sometimes we venture to parks or for long walks at the beach. Either way other people that we don’t know are usually around so that we don’t start a heated discussion where we might get louder than usual. Now that the financial picture is somewhat set I know we need to shift our focus a little so date night here we come.

• One of the other issues I’m seeing is family time and Nebraska. My family and myself have not been back since last October which is not a big thing but when you have a lot of close cousins and nephews and nieces that your not around all the time you do feel left out or disconnected. I know I use Facebook for this family/social interaction but it’s not the same as truly being there. Then again I’m the one that made the decision to move so pooh on me and I’m the one that has not set aside the time or resources to take a trip back. Oh and picking up the phone, I’m getting better but do I have to be the one to initiate it most of the time?
o Why do I feel like I need to take care of this item. Maybe it’s because I was placed into a family that may need some of my insight and I need theirs. Maybe it’s because we need each other and that the lack of close families and close communities has been something that the world has lost focus on.
o Can I do anything about this, yes I can. I know I need to make more phone calls and to just get off my butt and do it. No one should think he’s entitled to reciprocal starts on trips and phone calls. If that was the case would anything get done around here or in the world. If I do something for you or to you, should I expect the same in return? I'll keep the Golden Rule in mind and shift my paradigm so to speak but I have a feeling that when this is done things may get better.

• Issues and the floating rock: this one is hard but while I was writing I couldn’t help but think about how men love to compartmentalize our thoughts and feelings and I can’t think of a better way of doing that than to separate things into boxes or in this case, floating islands. But why do I bring this up is it an FYI piece or does it have to do with connecting the dots of bigger issues. Lets discuss both.
o There’s an old song that has the line “You got to keep them separated”. For me that’s issues. I know I can’t finish anything if I’m focused on more than one or two items and if I try it usually gets dragged out and done incorrectly. This happens with my projects at home and at work and it is hard to think of how to live like this when I know I can’t keep one item open at all times because other areas may then slip through the cracks. I’ve had this thought in my head for a while now that a dad can’t just simply go to his job be done for the day and not have work left undone at home. This is a bigger issue which deserves more time so I’ll write more about that later. I do believe there should be that on/off switch from work issues in the home to some home/life issues at work but aren’t we all just there to live either way. As my boss says, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Possible life change coming, don’t know.
o Connecting the dots seams to be a bigger issue. How does my work effect my life and my life effect my work and I’m not just talking about my job. A dad has similar roles in life to the mom but being the head of the household has got to be the most important one. Everything I do is soaked up by those under me (kids, wife, extended family…). Every decision could be life changing or detrimental to all or just one and how do you balance that. How do you safely apply what happens at home to your job and what happens at your job to your life at home. I can tell you I think I will start connecting the dots. When something happens, meditate on it if not for just one minute or before I take the next step. Seek council when I don’t know the answer or if I feel that my mind says it’s right but my heart does not. Something smells fishy, right? Another paradigm shift, maybe. Where’s the happy medium ground?

To wrap it up for now, I guess I just need to simply “get to work”. My past practice of procrastination needs to be shed like the dirty clothes that they are. So here we go. Live life my friends. Together and for others, not yourselves as I know if I live for myself nothing gets done, it is not done the best way that it could have been and will probably get redone by someone bigger.

Three Nails & Some Wood

It's Friday, as a video I saw a few years back mentioned. The Friday that He was betrayed, tortured and eventually killed. It is on this Friday that I take in all of what has happend in the past year since this same Friday and dwell on the work that has been done and what has been left undone. I think about what sins I have given up and which selfish acts I hold tight to. What I have done in the past I know is not pure and clean and I know I should not do these things any longer, but like Paul I shall move forward with these struggles. Prepared for the battle which is going on for me and around me.

So like the song you now listen to I move on with Him leading me into battle. Always know that it is "by His wounds (on this Friday) that we have been healed". We don't have to fight ourselves for what we did years ago or even yesterday or this morning. He knows all of the hairs on our heads and I can assure you that he had a part in what has happened even if you do not believe the same. He did not get up this morning and think what can I do to him/her to make her grow closer or farther from me. He left that up to US.

So why do we continue to torture and hurt our families, our friends, our Lord. Why do we take comfort in the things that seem so easy to do. Is it convenience that gets you through your day. The convenience of smoking, convenience of porn on a computer, convenience of just driving by His people on the corners that look to you for food. Why do we wish to pass through all of the weekdays only to get to a day of rest that, as a collective whole, do not observe or keep wholy. Why is salvation so unconvienient. Why is an easier way of life so hard to go out and fight for.

Man, Woman and Child you have already been paid for. Your sins have already been forgiven. Your chains can be cast to the floor. But it is you that has to set this as a role in your life. One of the Forgiven. One of His Children. One of those that His blood was shed for. I know you don't think of yourself worthy of these things. I know you think He is nailed up on that tree because of you and me and that you have the hammer and another nail ready to go. But I have a secret. He has gotten off of that tree and not just from the three nails that penetrated his skin but from all of the shots he has taken from us all.

He stands before you now with His arms wide open. Like the father welcoming the prodigal son back to his house and his safety. Walk with Me he says, and walk with your brothers and sisters. Help where you can and leave nothing behind. Love others like I love you. Sacrifice all that I have given to and provided for you. Flip the switch in your life and follow Me. Jump into the waters and be washed by The Spirit. My wife and I will continue our washing this Sunday and I hope you do also. Take the leap of faith with both feet and a whole heart and just watch what He will do with your life.

How's your life doing up till now? Don't think about it, just GO!!!

The Vessel

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in church listening to the following sermon when I couldn't help but think of two activities from my past that felt like they totally related. Listen or watch the Week 3 sermon on Losing Everything if you want or go ahead and continue: http://www.goldcreek.org/?page_id=840. I'll post the second activity later but for now look at this.

The Vessel

In a physics class long ago I remember a time when the instructor was going through details of space and the size of particles like neutrons and protons and that there will always be something in between two physical pieces of materials. He also proceeded to give a demonstration on just when you thought a jar was full, it is not. That presentation started with a very large empty jar. The instructor put in assorted stones of a fairly large size and when it was filled to the top he asked. Is it full? The class responded with mostly nos but with a couple of yeses. The instructor agreed that no it was not full and proceeded to pour smaller stones into the jar, shaking the jar to get them to the bottom, until he could get no more in. He again asked, Is it full? The class responded with more yeses but still mainly no. The instructor agreed and proceeded to pour sand into the jar, again shaking the jar to get as much in as possible. Again the question came, is it full? The majority of the class now said yes it is full.

Well the instructor new that in fact it was full of solid mater but when he proceeded to pour water into the jar he was able to get over a pint or so into it. The remainder of the class was then spent on trying to understand that just when you have thought nothing more can happen, happen it shall. More things will always be able to fill the space. So how does that relate to my life as a christian: two ways in that sin will always creep in as a large stone or a small pebble if you let it and that forgiveness is the pint of water that can encompass it all.

On the sin side I lived my life knowing of God but not truly knowing Him until recently. I went through my childhood going to a Catholic church and even going to a Catholic high school. I knew most of the traditions and even participated in the extras like the choir. Through all of those years I would have told you I was a kid that was better than most but looking back that was a straight up lie. Yeah I never drank or did drugs in HS, I was actually the president of our drug and alcohol free youth group. But I did have sins: I trampled on relationships that have possibly crushed some people in the process, I know I didn't do all I could to bring myself or others to Christ oh and my big secret was coveting the things that I did not have. Sometimes I took what was not mine. See I had some big stones and allot of small pebbles all while I was "walking with Christ" or at least learning about him. What good was it to go through all of that education and instruction if you don't really know the true meaning of your actions. Such is Life but there was and is Hope...

I learned more about self control in college when I thought I had hit bottom. I drank more than my share, spent money that wasn't mine (beware of credit) and made one phone call that changed my life. The prodigal son had called his father for advice and he gave me one line that I will carry with me every day for every issue I may go through: "Does it control you or do you control it". Let's just say it was easier to count the things that I controlled compared to the things I did not. But the mustard seed had been planted and was starting to sprout. Then I met my future wife and the water started to pour down on that seed as she got me to step out of the box and try a different church. Who would have guessed I would fit in some place else. Well that new style of church ended up being the sunshine that would continue to help me grow along with the water provided by that girl. Both planted my roots deeper and continue to build me up for all of the challenges I would be facing.

You know looking back I don't think I would change a thing except for understanding things quicker, asking for forgiveness quicker and leaning on Him quicker than I have ever done before. You see when I continue to post things here they will be deeper than you may usually think and they will reveal more than you may want to know about me and my family but it is who I am and it is who God created me to be. He created a vessel that would carry some baggage, some pain and His love. He made the vessel so that it could share what he has in life because although we are not exactly the same, just like each stone is not the same, we may have gone through or currently be going through some of the same life issues, the same turbulent waters that shape us. It is this vessel that carries life in it that was given a name and His breath of life.

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